My X is apiece of crap.
Here's the short story. My son was born, she hit the door running. Moved away for 3 years. Came back to be a "mother", that lasted 6 months, moved away, back and so on and so forth.
I have full custody and she only has visitation every other weekend from 6:00pm on Friday until 6:00pm on Sunday.
She's been living with her parents now for about 1 1/2 years and swears she'll be a good "mother." (They support everything she does.)
Every stinking chance me and my wife give her with my son, she fails!!
Last year she picked him up from school one day, his homework was wrong (1st grade by the way) and she left half his crap at her house when she brought him home. (My son panics when things like this happen)
New chance this year and she picked him up from school today (actually she was too sorry and had her mother do it) at 11:00am. (Early dismissal). She brought him to football practice at 6:00pm. 7 hours later now. (Mind you neither her nor her mom have a job, haven't for several years now.
He had a play in his bookbag that she said my son told her that the teacher gave it to him, but didn't tell him what to do with it. (Here's some homework, but don't do anything with it? Yeah right) So she said she tried to get him to read it and she went ahead and signed all his stuff.
It's now 10:08 and my son was just now able to go to bed. Why? Because his bookbag was NEVER OPENED! He has to present a play to the 1st grade class IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He's in 2nd grade now.)
I made him read over it and highlighted his part so he could easily read it tomorrow when he presents it.
You have to know my son, he panics about things like this. Panics so bad he's going to a psychologist.(No I can't spell right now.)
Now he's tore up about not being able to do the play well tomorrow.
She had 7 hours and never even opened his bookbag!
History on her: In and out of his life. 18 felonies, 5 misdemeanors including conviction of cocaine, larceny, fraud, etc etc.
I have wished that 2 things would happen.
1. She'd go away for life.
2. She'd straighten up.
My son is now 7, so she's had 7 years. I think wish # 2 will never come true.
Please folks pray for my son. We are going through a LOT of difficult times right now with him.
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Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
I will remember all of you in prayer. Look I know that you are just venting, but what I am about to tell is so very important. One, there was something that you saw in her that made you decide to make your son, accident or not, and it is very important that you never bad mouth her in front of your son. Two maybe you need to go back into court and ask for supervised visitation, that way your son can see his mom but will not have to suffer panick attacks any longer. I do pray that she straightens up and that she sincerly apologizes to your son because he deserves it. He deserves to have a healthy relationship with both parents but if he can't ever have that with his mom, he will still love her because she is his mom, so be careful to never hurt him in that way. Praying for you and your family!
You cannot imagine how I understand , clearly, what you are facing. My brother-in-law has been living with us for the past several months, and his x sounds exactly like what you are tied to. She called just yesterday from jail trying to stir up some trouble.She had been calling everyday,prior to getting locked up,at all times, to talk to them to ease her conscience, always promising to come see them and never doing so.She is injail fo rdrug posession, and bad checks, and hadlost custody for drugs.Her former idea of feeding the kids--- and there are 2, ages 2 1/2 and 1 1/2--was to put a box of cereal by them around 11 am, and let them fend for themselves. She always works in bars, and keeps going from one man to another, and has no regard for her kids, other than , as I said, to ease her conscience occasionally. My brother-in-law came here to get away from a bunch of thugs that were threatening him after she lost custody. I can actually feel what you are confronting, and undersatnd, first hand, your anguish. I have taken them in as my own, and have to provide alot of affection and all of their needs of ofood, sheltyer, and clothing, since my b-in-law isn't doing a whole lot better than her, but at least he cares. I am grateful to be able to, and really grateful that your son has a good father, like yourself. I see what this kind of turmoil does to them ,every day.I pray that you will find teh peace and guidance you need to make some very tough decisions, and that you can continue to provide teh love and care that you are now.
I talked to her today and told her what trouble he had because of her and she blamed it on me. She said she had my son on tape saying I beat him and she was going to Social Services and taking me to court.
Then she showed up at his school today and made a fool of herself. She told them that when homework was sent home she needed instructions on how to do it. So the teachers called me to apologize, but I told I didn't know of any reason for them to apologize, much less even been involved in this; and as always I had to apologize for the ignorance of my X.
I actually ran into one of his teachers at the store and she told me at first she was concerned but the more my X talked the more BS she was hearing and finally lost all respect for her because she was giving her issues to the teacher and did not seemed concerned with our son at all.
I've never bad mouthed her around my son, but it's hard because if I tell him the truth about her when he asks, it is basically bad mouthing her.
I did tell her that if I had my son on tape saying someone beat him and I was able to control myself, I would have already went to someone to remove him from that situation! She said he was afraid of me and that's why he crys to stay with me and not go with her and also why he won't talk to her.
I think it's just time for them to make good on the promise of taking me to court and stripping me away from my son if they can. I'm willing to fight and I just can't handle the turmoil anymore with them.
I always said I'd let him go up there with them so they couldn't tell him I was a monster keeping him from his loved ones, but his Psychratrist told me they have already been telling him that. So what do I have to loose?
Would a judge really take my son away from me? I've had him since he was born, legal full custody since he was 2 and she is a convicted felon with no job. They may still say she can give hima home because she lives with her parents, but who'd take my son away from me?
If he is on tape saying I beat him, they made him say that and I know I've never touched him so he'd tell the truth to the court, judge, whoever; as long as they weren't there making him say such things.
I've got charater witnesses where I coach 5-6 year old baseball, 5 -7 year old football, and where I'm the President of Youth Outdoor Connection.
Surely they'd see the love I have for kids and the love I have beyond and above all others for my son.
The only scary thing is that in this county (maybe state) they (social services, etc) will place kids with the mother even when the mother is unfit.
I've seen it happen and that does scare me.
Thanks for the prayers we sure need them.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
I've typed on here beforeasking for prayers for my nephew so
I won't go into details on where I'm coming from but here's my
opinion.
Your son, being fortunate to have a Dad that cares for him and is
taking care of him deserves allthe protectionyou can give him
and to me, from what you've related, is KEEP HIM AWAY FROM
HIS MOTHER! I know, there's alot of folks thatthink about this
from aparental "rights" aspect, some from legal apsects and some
may even feel it's a moral or ethical position to give aparent access
to a child regardless of their impact. I trulybelieve this is WRONG
and can (probably will) cause more harm to a child than not having
a relationship with a selfish, morally bankrupt and lawbreaking person.
You mention a psychologists.If the Dr. is aware of the situation in
full and recognizes the mental, emotional and possible physical harm
your son is under, ask them to contact ChildProtectiveServices and
report yourex-wife as a danger to the well being of the child.After
interviewing him a counseler should be able to restrict or even deny
any contact by your ex for any reason, even phone calls.
Please note: I'm going by my personal experience here in Texas.
I know state laws and customs are different so it maybe a good
idea toget legal advice from someone familiar with family law prior
to any action BUT I AM SERIOUS, KEEP THAT WOMEN AWAY FROM
YOUR CHILD AT ALL COSTS! As for bad mouthing her, there are
ways to telleven children theTRUTH, which he deserves and needs
to hear.
Mommy has made bad decisionsthat put her and you in danger.
Mommy has problems thatshe needs to solve before she can see you.
Mommy is addicted to drugs and can't take care of little boys.
Bottom line,NO ONEdeserves to have a relationship with a child
if they are a danger to them. NO ONE.
Sorry for the long reply, just hits a little close to home.
There is a difference between bad mouthing and telling the truth and compassion is the key to tell the difference. I have prayed long and hard about what I am going to tell my son when we have to have this discussion. His biological father has not seen him in over 2 years and he has 2 other kids that he sees all the time. It is not because of Isaac that he does not come and see him, it is because he cannot offer Isaac what my husband can. It is not that he does not love Isaac but it is his inadaquecies that keep him away and from calling. He never had a man teach him how to be a daddy and he is hurting to much himself to see clearly to figure it out. I am also to blame because if I hadn't slept with him we wouldn't have Isaac. That is not worded how I would say it to him. To my son I would say that I was irresponsible and had a relationship when I had no buisiness having one. I was not married and was too young to make a decision of who the father of my children would be. He is not the only one to blame.
But I agree you need to protect your son first and his feelings. God is there for you brother hang in there and before you know this season will have past. Still praying for you and your family. Call a lawyer and start documenting the things that your x is doing and when, get a statement from the doctor, and get on your knees and pray for your x.
Pray for her, pray that she finds a way to get straight, because regardless of how much you may despise her, she's still his mother, and he will probably always have some misconstrued love for her. Ask her for a truce, and try to resolve this peacefully first, but if it is beyond repair, then allow her only that visitation which she is legally entitled, while attempting to have stricter stipulations on that. The "bribe" she tried to pull on you leads me to believe that you are likely correct, and she is beyond repair, then you may be in a position in which you will have a long ugly fight to keep her from causing him more damage.
Try at all cost to keep him from seeing your frustrations, and as said above, you can be honest without it sounding like you're "bad-mouthing." I hope God's plan is revealed soon for you and your family, so you can have some peace in your mind.
Gotta get this out.
So the teachers called me to apologize, but I told I didn't know of any reason for them to apologize, much less even been involved in this; and as always I had to apologize for the ignorance of my X.
