1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
3) The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
[/b]
4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7[/b] to [/b]8:30 p.m.[/b] Please use the back door.[/b]
[/b]
8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
[/b] 16) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
[/b]17) The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
18) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
19) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
20) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
21) 32 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
22) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
23) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
24 Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"
Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
25) On a church bulletin during the minister's illness:[/b]
GOD IS GOOD[/b]
Dr. Hargreaves is better.[/b]
[/b]26) Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
27) Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
[/b]
28) The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.[/b]
[/b]
29) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
__________________
Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.
If youmissed this one, here it is again (Sorry if you read it already butI love this one).
AFarmer Attends Church Service
A farmer decided one morning to attend a church in town. He went into town in his tattered jeans, worn out shirt and with his boots on.
The church folks were outraged by his appearance. The pastor said to the farmer: "The next time you come here, pray and ask the Lord what you should wear." The farmer agreed.
The following Sunday the farmer returned to the same church ...in his work clothes. The pastor asked: "What did the Lord say?" The farmer replied, "The Lord said he had never been to this church and didn't know what to wear."
__________________
Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.
In one of our bulletins last year, a family was writing about their missions trip they were currently on. The family's last name is Black, so the bulletin read, "News from the Blacks in Africa"
I once had a typo on my webpage, that one of my suscribers brought to my attention on Romans 8:1 There is no condemnation to whores in Christ Jesus. I did correct that rather quickly![:@]
Exactly Chuck,, but I spelled it with the W... It should have been "to those who are" and I guess I just put the whole word together...
I guess it could have fit them too... After all it's supposed to be the worlds oldest profession.
Classic CHURCH BULLETIN Bloopers...
