YOU MIGHT JUST BE A JEWISH REDNECK IF..........
1. You think that marrying your first cousin is not only permitted, but biblically mandated
2. Your home is mobile and your sukkah ain't
3. You have a gun rack in your sukkah
4. your idea of Shalosh Shudos is a six pack and some Redman
5. Ad Lo Yoda applies just about every night.
6. You think KKK is a kosher symbol
7. You speak more English than your shul president
8. You light Shabbat candles from your cigarette
9. The only plant in your home is your lulav
10. The only area on your lawn that is mowed is the spot where you burn your Chametz
11. Your idea of bathing is using the mikvah
12. Your siddur lists the Sabbath greeting as : "Shabbot Shalom Y'all"
13. Your Shabbat suit was a blue light special at K-mart
14. Willie Nelson sang at your Bar/Bat Mitzvah
15. Your local scribe shoots his own parchment
16. You've ever used the theme to "Rawhide" as a tune for the Kedusha
17. You've ever fired a shotgun at the sound of Haman's name
18. Your belt buckle is bigger than your Yarmulke
19. You give Ma'aser from your spittoon
20. A tish just ain't a tish without a bugzapper
21. You've ever called the "Psychic Friends Network" to answer a halachic question
22. When you hear the shofar on Rosh Hashanah, you let your hunting dogs loose
23. You know what Brocha to make when you see a UFO
24. Your Rabbi ever yelled "Yee-Haw" during his sermon
25. You think the mechitza is an Italian food
26. You think a hora is a high priced call girl
27. You keep a can of spray paint in your Tallis bag
28. You wear a white hood for Havdallah
29. You know which brand of grits have an acceptable Kashrut supervision
30. If your Omer counting calendar has ever come up with three cherries in a row
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Jesus said, "he who stands firm to the end will be saved" Mark 13:13.
Live Life in such a way that those who do not know Christ will come to know Him because they know you
Jewish Redneck
