Premarrital Jitters?

I got engaged in Oct. I have been going out with this girl for over 2 years. We have had up ups and downs. Alot of downs. We started going to church together in April. Right after I gave my life over to the Lord. She seems to have done the same. We both show fruit. We both love Jesus. Sex is a no no. But man, since we have became engaged, its been a horrible uphill battle. Argurements, resentments building like a high rise. Its like we completely don't understand one another anymore. I have put a hold on all wedding plans. She's upset cause she can't order her dress and if its not ordered in Dec., then it won't be ready by June. Dates for wedding maybe gone if I don't act soon.

We both pray so hard every day to be able to understand each other. She feels bad all the time. Sick with PMS or just sick to her stomach. Aches and pains.She has always felt bad I would say 60% of the time during our relationship. But she suffers from being bipolar. We both pray so hard to hear God's will on this marriage. I pray, "Is this God's will for us to marry". Will we enhance our service to God with this marriage?

I hear to messages. One message says, "Take care of this woman thru her bad moods, and ills, because one day, you will need someone to take care of you, love this woman like Christ loves the church". Makes sense, cause my diabetes is pretty well out of control. I am starting to see the effects with ends of my toes hurting and slight nerve damage. And if we, as men could love our spouses as Christ loved the church, then any, I mean any marriage could work. I mean if we loved our spouse as Christ loved the church, we could make a marriage with a rattlesnake work.

Another message says, "I don't know how it can become clearer, you guys don't get along, your not compatible, don't make the same mistake of making your will happen like you did on your first marriage".

Ok, I know one of these voices is the Holy Spirit, and I know the other may be Satan. Got a scenio. One is with me and her together, we keep each other in church and if we make it, we will be a force to be reckoned with when it comes to witnessing or helping or serving God, and Satan does not want us to be effective. Another scenio is, God is trying to talk to me. Trying to tell me that we are not right for each other. Last scenerio is Satan wants me to marry this girl because out life together we will be very ineffective Christians and may end up in doom.

I hear people say constantly, to seek the will of God. And then they hold up a Bible, and say, "its in here".

I don't know what to do.

[Tazman]

BC of the 2 messages you get which one do you feel is your message and which one do you feel is the Spirits? I know that sounds like a dumb question. I would reccomend a couple of things before taking any action:

1. Find a "quiet" spot and fast and pray about this a lot.

2. Speak to her and find out her exact feelings on the whole deal, let her know your concerns, the reason I say this is communication of feelings is crucial in any marraige that is going to work.

I don't know Taz. I wish I did. They both feel like from the Spirit sometimes. I know when I get messages like, "dump her, you will be more happy alone and have more time for yourself", I know thats from the devil. Thats an easy one. But I believe he is getting more sneaky with me.

Communication is the part that disappoints me. We have littlerly none. I had more with my ex wife in 5 years of marriage than I have now. This is the part that scares me.

[renfrowridge]

Big, I have been married for 25 years and if you cant talk to her now it will not get better it will get worse. I have to agree with Taz sit her down and have a long take and dont hold anything back lay all you're cards on the table and LISTIN to what she has to say, she may feel the same way but until you talk you will naver know/ God bless and good luck no there is no luck to it May God lead you and her where he wants you both

I hear you guys. And as a person who got divorced and was married I know this. but a piece of me says "anything is possible thru the Lord". Yep, she has serious communication issues. No doubt about it. We have sat down and discussed it alot and she always says, "well work on it".

But guys she is 35 and never had kids or been married. Surely there is someone out there for her that can care for her. I guess I hate the thought of sitting down and saying its over. Or I still have hope that she can learn to communicate.

I guess what I am saying, I am trying to work thru this thru a biblical means and not earthly man logic. But I keep going back to what ren says.

Goodness, please just say a tiny prayer for me. I just don't think I could go thru another nasty knock down dragout divorce. I think it would kill me this time.

[Tazman]

BC I was married the first time for 17 years, the biggest problem we had was communication!!!! She would get mad at me for days on end and I would have no idea what I had done wrong. It made me crazy, I would have no idea what I had done wrong to where I could correct it. To this day I could not tell you what she was mad at me for. I didn't go out with the boys or go bar hopping, what I did I have no idea.

You may want to consider premarital counseling, a lot of churches actually have trained marriage counselors, you may want to consider going to one. Brother without communication you will have troubles, and they will be ones that you can not rectify if you don't know what they are.

[Alex The Hawk]

Being frank since you asked, I have to say ,I would never merry another person with bipolar disease.

It is a none winning situation, I know I being there.Bipolarism doesn't go away.

Just because you think the devil is teling you "dump her and you will have more time to yourself", well it is not ,it is your common sense saying that.

Seek the Lord and he will guide you.

Well, funny you say that Taz, we are going thru Premarrital councelling right now and thats the reason all these concernes came up. There were 14 warning signs and we have 7 out of the 14. From not communicating, to frequency ills, and several more.

She will smile and say nothing is wrong for weeks, and in the mean while she loads up resentments like bullets in a machine gun and then when something sets her off, she will blast them at me all at once. If I knew about them when they happened, I could correct them.

Brothers if things don't improve, and worse comes to worse, I just don't think I got it in me to end this relationship. I just don't know if I could hurt her like that.

[Tazman]

BC if deep in your heart you feel it is not going to work, you will hurt her, yourself and sadly maybe some kids down the road if you don't say or do something now. The longer you take the harder it will be on all parties concerned.

I will pray that God will give you the guidance and strength you need to do what is his will.

[Leafrivermac]

Knowing what I know now . .and from my own experiance . .I would walk away, and let the hair go with the hide. Its hard, and its hard being lonely but it's harder being with someone that you aren't happy with . . .or someone thats not happy with you.