Clean Christian Humor

[Alex The Hawk]

Waking Up for Church
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him
it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like
me, and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"

The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th
of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi.
"You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't
understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't
know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs.
Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break
down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."

The USHER
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The
friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is
really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.

Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell"
assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class
that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name
is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name
is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name
is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole."

The Best Way To Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions
for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my
hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer
position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he
interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside
down from a telephone pole."

The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar
bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved
along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.
The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country
"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been
to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the
finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a
cruise to the Caribbean."
"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting
life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout
your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist
Church,the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church..."
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

Goat for Dinner
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner.
While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their
son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just
as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'"
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[Rebel Hog]

[ddejong]

Those are good ... .thanks!

[knifemakerbill]

{The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he
interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside
down from a telephone pole." }

take it from an old electrical lineman--this guy is right!!hanging from a bolt by the cuff of your work glove after cutting out on a pole, you can get real serious about prayer!!!

[s. il. hntr]

i really like those. good to see some clean humor in these times. i might get a liitle flack for this but i sure do miss hee-haw. that was a nice family show , we used to all watch it every week