uh ............ the word yankee cannot be applied to me because I'm from the south. Just like nigga really doesn't apply to me because I don't have dark skin. So no, while this thread doesn't apply to me at all, its still potentially offensive to some
I keep trying to tell you guys, but you don't listen. There is no such thing as a Yankee. You either grew up out West and are a Westerner or you're an easterner, the worst type being an eastern greenie.
Here is a check.
If your state doesn't have a huntbale population of wild elk --- you might be an easterner
If you put ketchup in your chili -- you're probably an easterner
If you think a 5000 ft. hill is a mountain -- you're probably an easterner
If most of the your cows in your state are white with black spots instead of red with white faces -- you're probably an easterner
If your favorite Mexican restaurant doesn't have a chili verde plate -- you are probably an easterner
If you don't know what chili verde is, you're definately an easterner
1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
It is. I would like to see some of you southern sissy boys stand outside in 10 degree weather in bare feet with a beer in your hand while it's snowing like hell, cooking on a grill.
Quote:
2) You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
I wouldn't feed that to inmates. I put Tobascco and Cayenne on everything until the next morning i weep while doing my "constitutional".
Quote:
3) You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
correctly.
Great stuff in meatloaf.
Quote:
4) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
Just Coffee.
Quote:
5) You don't know what a moon pie is.
They're all over the country.
Quote:
6) You've never had grain alcohol.
I get a batch every year from a guy that owns a bar in milwaukee. He's got a still in Lydon Station Wisconsin.
Quote:
7) You've never, ever, eaten Okra.
Yes I have, and it tastes like soggy grass. I think thats where the pattern for paisley came from.
Quote:
8) You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
Nope, right off the barbecue.
Quote:
9) You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on
road trips.
I've killed chickens and as a kid my father owned part of a farm.
Ever cut off a sheeps tail?
Quote:
10) You have no idea what a polecat is.
Got one that eats out of my window wells.
Quote:
11) Whenever someone tells an off*color joke about farm animals, it goes
over your head.
Nope.
Quote:
12) You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
Why clothe a snack?
Quote:
13) You don't have bangs.
Damn straight I don't have bangs. Bangs are gay.
Quote:
14) You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
Neither. I like St. Germain wisconsin and getting stupid and lost in the woods with my idiot friends.
Quote:
15) More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the
same prep school in Connecticut.
I hate east coasters.
Quote:
16) You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get
his own TV fishing show.
Not by a long shot, you know my love of lawyers.
Quote:
17) Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you
guys," even if both of them are women.
Typically it's just "HEY".
Quote:
18) You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
I think he's an idiot.
Quote:
19) You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun*and*knife
show.
Why? we have them in Milwaukee not 15 minutes away, that's called "shopping".
Quote:
20) You think more money should go to important scientific research at
your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
Both are leaches.
Quote:
21) You don't have at least one can of WD*40 somewhere around the house.
I own 3
Quote:
22) The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting
on An on*ramp on the highway.
So?
Quote:
23) You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
I have a box of tavern hats, does that count?
Quote:
24) The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman
Marcus.
Mexico
Quote:
25) You call binoculars opera glasses.
Don't own any
Quote:
26) You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the
road and stopping.
Do it all the time.
Quote:
27) You would never wear pink or an appliqued sweatshirt.
EEEEEEEK
Quote:
28) You don't know what appliqued is.
Nope, other than an "iron on" you got me.
Quote:
29) Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within
the context of a football game.
Back seat of an Opel Manta Model 1900 series. (try that one on)
Quote:
30) You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob,
Bubba Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
They all go by nicknames.
Quote:
31) You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
Wife has doilies. Not me.
Quote:
32) You've never been to a craft show.
Nope, I ain't *****.
Quote:
33) You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
You Might be a Yankee If...
1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
Barbecue actually comes from the French term barbe et que (sp?), meaning head to tail. French pirates would come ashore, steal a cow, and roast the whole thing before hauling it aboard.
2) You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
No, but it is good stuff.
3) You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
correctly.
Still don't know exactly how it is pronounced.
4) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
What? I thougt that's what moon pies were for.
5) You don't know what a moon pie is.
See above.
6) You've never had grain alcohol.
? Is there some other kind of alcohol?
7) You've never, ever, eaten Okra.
Fried is the only way to go.
8) You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
Never!
9) You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on
road trips.
Own cows. Lose money on chickens in Oklahoma.
10) You have no idea what a polecat is.
Been nailed by one.
11) Whenever someone tells an off*color joke about farm animals, it goes
over your head.
What do you call a farmer with sheep under each arm? Pimp.
12) You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
Poodle? What in tarnation does anyone want with a poodle?
13) You don't have bangs.
Our cows don't, either.
14) You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
Six Flags Over Texas. My personal favorites are the bobsled, log ride, and bumper cars. Oh, and the runaway mine train.
15) More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the
same prep school in Connecticut.
Never been to Connecticut. Only been north of the Red River maybe 5 times.
16) You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get
his own TV fishing show.
Now, being a lawyer ain't so bad.
17) Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you
guys," even if both of them are women.
Actually, I've always seen it spelled ya'll. And yes, I use it frequently.
18) You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
Howard who?
19) You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun*and*knife
show.
If you don't, your wasting your vacation.
20) You think more money should go to important scientific research at
your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
Ain't happen around here.
21) You don't have at least one can of WD*40 somewhere around the house.
I've got one in the truck, a couple in the utility closet, and one in my desk. All conveniently located next to the duct tape.
22) The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting
on An on*ramp on the highway.
Wow! An on ramp! I've always dreamed of seeing one of those. Gee, a highway that big probably has one of them color changing lights, too.
23) You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
I'm wearing a Farmer's Milling hat as we speak.
24) The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman
Marcus.
Don't think we have those around here.
25) You call binoculars opera glasses.
Who goes to the opera? Seriously.
26) You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the
road and stopping.
Wimp.
27) You would never wear pink or an appliqued sweatshirt.
I never wear sweatshirts, pink, orange, purple, or yellow. Only button western shirts.
28) You don't know what appliqued is.
Got me on that one.
29) Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within
the context of a football game.
That's only the idiots that bought trucks with short beds.
30) You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob,
Bubba Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
I know a Joe Bob, Jim Bob, Billy Bob, Jim Tom, and a couple Bub's or Bubba's. Several people call me Jethro. Others call me Bubba.
31) You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
Nope.
32) You've never been to a craft show.
Been several times. Then try to see if I can make what they can.
33) You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
I talk to people at the Subway all the time.
34) You can't do your laundry without quarters.
No problem there. Nothing a number 2 washtub can't handle.
35) None of your fur coats are homemade
I don't have any fur coats. A single man with a fur coat might give people the wrong impression. Like wearing pink or purple.
__________________
You may beat the rap, but you won't beat the ride!
Yankees
