We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of
entertainers have promised to leave the country if George W.
Bush is re-elected President.
With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who
still want to keep their promise!
Attention: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell and her wife,
Ed Asner, Janeane Garafalo, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Franken,
Michael Moore, Cher, Phil Donahue, Rob Reiner (apparently
still a "śmeathead"), Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, Pierre
Salinger, as well as the entire staffs of the LA and NY
Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose
of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of
the Carnival Funship "Elation," which has been commissioned
to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan. You
may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq.
The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in
your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade
counties prior to your cruise. Please pack for an extended
stay... at least four more years. Note: Since you advocate
strict gun control, you may not bring any.
Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Al Gore as
cruise director, Grey Davis as Purser, and Teresa Heinz
Kerry hopefully will be kept somewhere below decks away from
the media. Monica Lewinsky as the "Cigar and Cigarette
Girl," Entertainment provided by the Dixie Chicks and Bruce
Springsteen. John Kerry will be our Life Guard in
consideration of his past experience in pulling people out
of the water. (Unless he decides at the last minute not to
go.) He is advocating the elimination of the game
"shuffleboard" in favor of his new game which he calls
"waffleboard." Be sure to pack your flip-flops as you will
need them while playing. Ted Kennedy will double as
Bartender and Director of Emergency Procedures. Rev. Al
Sharpton will provide inspirational services, and
Ex-Congressman Gary Condit will serve as intern coordinator.
If you have any questions about making arrangements for your
homes, friends, and loved ones, please direct your comments
to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her village can raise your
children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your
money and your furnishings until you return.
Letter from Carnival Cruise lines
