AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS
Aug 25, 2005
WASHINGTON, DC (ASAP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation,which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Kerry, a longtime AWNAA supporter.
"This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing", said Kerry.
President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%).
President Kerry has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of Nonabled people for top government positions, including many cabinet-level jobs.
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can"t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me."
With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Kerry, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
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ANNOY A LIBERAL, work hard and be happy.
It it wasn't so close to the truth it would be funny
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It it wasn't so close to the truth it would be funny
I believe this is the second time in the past couple months in which you literally took the words out of my mouth. I'm truly afraid that America will end up like some BS European socialist country if we don't get our act together and defeat the Left.
ID WOULD MOVE TO THE BOONIES IN ALASKA AND LIVE IN A IGLOO AND EAT SALMON AND KILL MOOSE TO KEEP ME FED TILL LEAST GUILIANI WINS IN 08 IF THERE STILL IS AN AMERICA.
Sheesh! I guess that means that 4-5 meth addict dopeheads living down the road..... already getting government checks for their "alcohol disabilities" and considered "unable to function" will be earning more than many of us on here do.[:@]
1. We would unilaterally yank our military people out of Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea and many other countries around the world.
2. We would have official UN control over our military personnel, our elections and our courts.
3. Our military would be downsized, weapons systems eliminated and it's capabilities severely reduced.
4. We would see the Patriot Act and other anti-terrorist laws watered down in the name of diversity and understanding our enemies.
5. We would see more terrorist acts against Americans at home and abroad.
6. We would see tax increases to pay for all of the additional spending Kerry wants to do that is above and beyond what Bush is overspending.
America would surrender much of our sovereignty, national pride and even freedom to the UN and the rest of the world.
7. Gun control would run rampant and would end up like Australia and England.
8. Most of us would find that we would have to wait till much later than 55-60 years old to be able to afford to retire.
9. Property rights would be degraded.
10. Jump in anybody who has been watching what Kerry has supported in congress and said in the past instead of just listening to his sweet promises during this campaign.
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11. We would be heading towards a Civil War again (in reply to your #7 on your list).
I mean, I'm not a true southerner, (I'm a transplated Yankee), but I do know that there is a thing called "Southern Pride". Just try to relieve a Texan or Georgian or Kentuckian or heck, anyone of their firearms and see what happens! [&:] Better yet, can you imagine some of Kerry's "henchmen" going to Pennsylvania to F4YG's house and telling him, "Sir, you are hereby ordered to relinquish your rights to firearm ownership". [&:]
If Kerry came into office...
