I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down
terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got
the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight,
they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join the
military until you're at least 35. For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys
only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that
28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier
is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them
into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote
control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy,
on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up
early every morning to pee.
If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial
number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also
developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost
better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in
combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without
the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's
still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles,
and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can
rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn
a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked America on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
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Man have I got to go again.They would not be able to nowhere near as many of us on them dang cattle trucks down at Benning as they used to.'Bout five or six would be all that would fit instead of 50.......
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Danville Va.LAST CAPITAL OF THE CONFEDERACY
Goverment going to be in charge& supply transport etc?
Or do we just call it a extended hunting vacation where elusive pray shot back?Pakastani& other mtns in the area must have game too hunt( wildgoats, etc too? Mtns there that a look a lot like here i will being my woolys
Man isn't that the truth. Im all for the change, where do you sign up
You didn't mention we produce our oun gas that will drive anyone into surrendering.
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Now you have to picture a combination of PeeWEE Herman and Wally Cox but with less muscle tone, trying to be intimidating None of this is funny! Message edited by Cougar Mag -- 1/7/2005 1:16:42 AM >/b]
Send Old Men to War
Pakastani& other mtns in the area must have game too hunt( wildgoats, etc too? Mtns there that a look a lot like here
i will being my woolys
