Bush's Resume

[stuckinthereeds]

George W. Bush
The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine,
and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving
record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I
refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug
use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid
combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was
a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I
bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The
company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil
industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of
Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS: I changed Texas pollution laws
to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted
state in the Union.

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions
in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by
over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I am the first President in U.S.
history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period and the all-time record for most foreclosures.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Connie
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision.

More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky
affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate
rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused
to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year
period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over
the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade
Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world
history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
security.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in
duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war
time.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to
justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES: All records of my tenure as governor of
Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public
view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-president,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.


You all know I don't give a rats behind about Bush or Karry anyhow, but to make you feel better let the bashing begin. Have fun.

[Dave590]

It is my hope that one day there will be an Imoticon available that shows a steaming pile of poop.

This would be a good topic for it's placement.

[bob d]

kerry resume ::: flip flop king, ran out of vietnam with two hangnails,married into money cause i could not make it on my own

[BenGarrett]

Take the lies and garbage out of that and you have maybe six or seven truths remaining.

IMHO, I think when someone knowingly posts lies, they lose their credibility.

[PABuck_HNTR]

IMHO, I think when someone knowingly posts lies, they lose their credibility

Ben, I couldn't agree more! It's amazing all these liberal whiny demonrats can sit at home and think this crap up!

[vc1111]

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community

But it was done in accordance with the blessings from Congress.

[vc1111]

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.

Not an uncommon practice. Try to get the SEC records for what's-her-name.

[vc1111]

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to
justice.

And that is bad compared to what or whom? Clinton, for example?

And I didn't hear the fat lady singing yet.

[vc1111]

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade
Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world
history.

Perhaps he should have vacillated for 8 yrs ala Clinton.

[PABuck_HNTR]

I bet you didn't hear from the mainstream press that all Kerry's whining about jobs going overseas is a BS bunch of political grandstanding!

Did you know that 70+% of Heinz products are produced outside of America?