sorry i haven' t been active in awhile , there was a seriuos illness in my household

[whelen36]

sorry about the lack of activity there for awhile but , my kid brother had to be taken to the emergency room , he had been haveing stomach and intestinal problems for a long while , and late wednesday evening he started to vomit green and had emmense abdominal pain, and he wouldn' t go to the hospital until thursday morning as he rejected every effort i made to try to get him to go brfore . he was admitted and scheduled for emergency surgery for an appendicidis , and had to have a part of his colon removed because of a blockage , he' s doing fine now but still has alot of pain.

the reason he lives with me is because our mom remarried after his father ( my stepfather ) passed away , and her new husband was nice and buddy buddy with him until after the wedding , he became abusive physically and mentally towards him , and towards our mother after the vows were said . our mom has been taking the abuse and there isn' t anything i can say or do that will make her leave him , however my brother came to stay with me. i don' t know of anything legally that can be done to this man and our mother is willing to put up with it even though she shouldn' t , and i' m not going to do anything stupid to him either , he' s not worth my life , he' s lower than trash in my opinion but , that' s not what this post is about , i just wanted to explain my absence in regard to several posts i was involved in.

[strut]

Whelen36, I hope everything turns out all right for you all, appendicitis is a serious problem when its let go that far. Glad you are back with us, and hope the best for you and your family.

[James B]

I can feel his pain. Hope he recovers well. About three years ago I had sme heart blockage and while they were cleaning out the arteries they found a lump on my right lung. It turned out to be cancer and they removed half of the lung. When they got me back to the recovery room I had a big heart attack and ended up in a coma for six weeks. I couldn' t o anything for a year. Last year I returned to hunting and fishing and today I get along pretty well. I have been on SS disability for these last three years and I doubt that I could ever carpenter again but I have helped a few relatives with some small jobs. Take care of that health when you loose it you have lost it all. Good luck I thank God for my come back this far.

[CalHunter]

Hope your brother continues in his recovery. Good luck with the family problems.

[hntngirl]

Whelen, I' m glad you got your brother to the hospital in time. Appendicitis can get really nasty if not treated.
On the issue of your mother, I can relate. My dad was the most wonderful man you could ever hope to meet in your lifetime. He died after he and my mom had been married for about 22 years. He had diabetes, and never had very good control of it. He was sick for many years, having a heart attack, many laser surgeries on his eyes, and two kidney transplants, with dialysis and CAPD in between. My mom spent a considerable amount of time taking care of him. I think that when he died, she didn' t know what do to. She didn' t have anyone to " fix" anymore. Unfortunately, she filled that void ten months later, by marrying a man who was also sick---not physically, but emotionally. I watched my sweet, terminally happy, naive mother turn into a timid, walking-on-eggshells woman. It took me awhile to figure out what was happening. I lived about 300 miles away and never saw the bruises for myself. My grandma finally told me on the phone one day that my mom had just left her house and the whole side of her face was black and blue. She tried to swear me to secrecy. Instead, I called every single family member my mother had. She is the only girl in her immediate family and has three brothers. I am ashamed to say that not one of her brothers drove over and beat the $#!% out of the a$$wipe! I also called the county that her husband had lived in for most of his life and got copies of all the arrest reports and restraining orders he had ever had against him. After I called everyone, I called her and told her that it was no longer a secret. She was furious!!! She yelled and screamed at me and told me that it was none of my business! She will defend him to the death. So, I moved 300 miles, and now live 6 blocks from her. Her husband is a cowardly bully. I am 5' 4" tall and weigh about 120 lbs. After I finished with him, he swore he would never lay a finger on her again. I honestly don' t know if he has for sure, but I do know that he is too afraid of me to even attend any family get-togethers. I do know that he is still extremely verbally abusive to her. It is so frustrating! My only hope at this point is that he will die way before her (he is in very poor health at this point), and she will have some years to be happy. Anyway, sorry to have rambled on, but wanted to let you know that I understand.

[Tazman]

whelen I am glad your brother is doing okay now. The only thing I can say about your mothers situation is to make sure she knows that your door is open to her when she decides to get out. You may want to drop her off some books about spousal abuse and how to escape it, who knows maybe if she reads something written by women who have been through what she is going through she may get the guts to leave.

[whelen36]

thanks guys and gals ,
it' s very appreciated for my brother' s part , and my mom. my mom knows about abuse but , sadly with her it' s like a pattern . you see , my mother was physically and verbally/mentally abused by my father, and she and i got out of there. then she met my brother' s father , and he was like gold to her until his health problems started , he had an eating disorder and retained water, this escalated to him developing congestive heart and lung failure. when he was getting bad with it , his body couldn' t get enough oxygen to the brain , and he would throw fits of rage. it wasn' t really his fault but he would physically abuse my mom then , when he would come out of this rage he wouldn' t remember anything that he had did . this eventually led to him having a heart attack and passing away while under hospital care and on morphine for the pain he was having. my mother and i were at his bedside when he passed away. then less than a year later our new stepfather showed up at our home looking for some odd jobs ( he was unemployed ) and he started to sweet talk my mom and be nice to her , one thing led to another and with in a year they were married, that' s when he turned. he would hit and kick my mom and constantly tell her how old she is ( she' s 47 , she had me when she was just 16 ). he hit her in the face one time with his car keys in hand and almost took her eye out and left a nasty scare on her left temple because of it, and he kicked her in the stomach when she was pregnant with my little sister, she has called the police on him but , won' t follow through with any charges. he get' s drunk a lot , and he smokes pot too , he' s just a waste of skin . my mom has left him allready and stayed the night with my brother and myself but only to go right back to him, he doesn' t bother with my little sister ( his daughter with my mother ) to the point where she usually comes to my brother or myself for help . she even accidently calls me dad every so often which isn' t good. however on a bright note ( and god forgive me for this one ) but with all of the drug use and drinking he' s done , he' s developed a top sized liver , and from having hepatitus when he was younger , he now has to take shots daily to keep his health good. but my mom' s problem is that she' s developed a pattern , she keeps going for abusive men, and she' s the only one who can really decide to change that. and i don' t like that at all . all i can do is be there for her while she' s going through this, and that' s what hurts

[Tazman]

all i can do is be there for her while she' s going through this, and that' s what hurts

I hate to say this, but you are right, just let her know you are there for her.