Midnight pooper, what poops at midnight

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WHITE BEAR TOWNSHIP: Someone using spot near tower as litter box
BY MARISA AGHA Pioneer Press

First, random shots at dogs. Now, unexplained poop? In White Bear Township?
A chronic defecator is on the loose in the bucolic community. For months, the mysterious culprit has found a spot near the township's water tower by Effress Road.

The presence of toilet paper and its substitutes lead police to believe the offender is human. Beyond that, clues about the suspect elude officials.

"We couldn't even speculate,'' said Ramsey County Sheriff's Lt. Mike Salter. "It is very odd.''

The bizarre incidents have left township officials, sheriff's deputies and neighbors stumped. The township has temporarily set up a motion detector and two floodlights to nab the nighttime visitor. The Ramsey County Sheriff's Department has had a deputy stationed nearby and added extra patrol.

All to no avail.

"We don't know what's motivating the midnight pooper,'' said Bill Short, township clerk/treasurer.

Short joked that he soon may ask the town board about installing a satellite toilet on the site.

The sheriff's department also recently investigated the random shootings of Bear, an 11-year-old chow-beagle-Labrador mix -- an equally strange case in the township, Salter noted.

Whoever is responsible for the night visits and whatever their reasons, Short hopes the problem is resolved soon. Township public works employees are the cleanup squad.

"I'm curious about the culprit, but I just want to stop it,'' Short said.

Marisa Agha can be reached at magha@pioneerpress.com or (651) 228-2109.

TO HELP
If you have any information about the chronic public defecator in White Bear Township, call the Ramsey County Sheriff's Department at (651) 481-1300.

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This is my wife's response on another board.<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

Media professional(an oximoron): Can you tell us more about the culprate? What should the American people be on the lookout for?

Law enforcement: (scratching head)Well, I suppose you should be on the lookout for big steaming piles of poop, then you know that he/she has struck again. He or she, as the case may be, seems to be particularly fond of corn as well. We are very, very concerned about copycat criminals in this case. If you see suspicious individuals please report this immediately to law enforcement.

M.P.: I am concerned that the American people will not know what suspicious activity to look for, can you be more specific?

L.E.: (Notices that the reporter is blonde, also swears that he can hear the wind)Um, that would be individuals, likely under the cover of darkness, with their pants around their ankles, crouching down on the ground and bearing down, probably making strange faces. A good indicator is if they rise up and pull up their pants, and something is left on the ground beneath where they were crouching, and steam is rising from it. You should notify authorities immediately.

M.P.: Thank you. Stay tuned to our station for the latest scoop. And now a word from our sponsor. ~~Cut to Fibercon commercial.

~~Donna <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>