The Speech George Bush should give consideration to:
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been
completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces
from Iraq . This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to
begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short The
United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money
toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that
note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you
down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France , or maybe China
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France ,
Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
We are withdrawing from the United Nations. I have instructed the Mayor of
New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those
vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever
treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of
unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes,
Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the
world. I love New York .
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2 Since we are likely to
be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox (ed note: I forget the new guy's name) [/align]and his entire corrupt government
needs an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry
divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border
security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting
now. We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for
oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades
to come.
If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List
2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world
has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America . It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from
America .
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we
won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak
Arabic.
love to see our
