Headlines from the year 2034
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Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the 7th largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly known as "California". White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language in addition to Mexican and Spanish.
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Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
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Baby conceived naturally . Scientists stumped!!
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Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
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Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in Bushdad, capital of the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iran is still closed; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity levels permit limited entry.
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France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
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Castro finally dies at age 115; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally; however, President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
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George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
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Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89,; reduces mail deliveries to Wednesdays only.
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Average weight of Americans drops to 250 KG.
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***anese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
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Massachusetts executes state's last conservative.
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Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates "cruel and unusual" clause of the Constitution.
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Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
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New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, rolling pins, and rolled-up newspapers must carry serial numbers, and be registered by January 2035.
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Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
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Capitol Hill intern indicted, arrested for refusing to have sex with congressman.
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IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
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Florida voters still having trouble using voting machines.
Tomorrow's News Today
