RE: I am upset with my wife
Yeah, that's a bitch - having to put up with a thoughtful wife. 
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My wife says I'm totally nuts, but I think I'm Semisane.
Things I've Learned:
(1) It's not possible to please everyone, but quite easy to piss everyone off.
(2) If you love animals as I do, then you're not a vegetarian.
(3) There's no need to act stupid, even if you're very good at it.
(4) If you eat right and exercise, don't smoke or drink, you're going to die anyway.
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